My good buddy Jason tells me that the philosopher Heidegger uses the term thrownness, probably in German or whatever, to describe the condition that we find ourselves in life. our lives sort of start in media res, with us being born into all sorts of relationships and civilizational practices and so forth, and we just have to continue on from there.

That's fine. In fact, I like having civilization and stuff. And I often think about how if I had to go into the wilderness I would first of all have a pretty uncomfortable time stripped of all these modern amenities that seem like necessities, like mattresses to give one example of many; and also I would pretty promptly die.

so, I'm glad people sorted out a lot of this stuff before I got here and so forth. however, today I'm interested in discussing a different type of thrownness, which is the one where the beliefs and attitudes of your surrounding society, company, etc, determine your own beliefs and attitudes.

cf "the most confusing motivational speech of all time" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yutsIpLK2Rs it's not really relevant but it's a great video.

in fact, i am coming to believe that your surroundings are like a great forge that will hone you (to mix metaphors) to become the maximal version of yourself. or, in fact, you will hone yourself. It's been my experience, at least, that I gradually came into consciousness with many instincts and notions, and I have tried all of the surrounding instincts and notions around me on like hats; but i have found about 75% of them wanting, and will go back to how i was before i had heard of them.

I think some of them are actively poisonous to even remember. they give me a sort of dyspepsia of the mind. i will shut them out, like a man shutting a box.

It says though I am a tree that is somehow able to prune its own branches. and also, perhaps, that other trees were allowed to add branches to my own, in a metaphor that would be mixed if I knew what the hell to mix it with, and having seen all the trees' branches upon me, i am now free to chop off the ones that are simply insidious.

there's a sort of paradox here. how could i develop into something that's more myself? (I'm using myself as an example here, but you can say this of any person or indeed object.) It's kind of hard to say what that would mean, except in certain cases like a baby animal maturing or a block of marble being chiseled to a sculptor's plan. and why this step in the middle where you try a bunch of different stuff on? how can it be that you enter the world confused and find the path back to where you started, unless we believe in some implausible mechanism like the amnesic waters of the river Styx?

i don't know, in general. I've been sitting here thinking about that puzzle for a moment, and I think in my particular case it's just that, like most young people, I had an open-mindedness and a difference to authority. and I should note that this has served me very well! I have learned many things of great importance and usefulness this way. But I've also learned many false leads and loose ends that way, which I simply now will drop.

Having reached the end of this essay, I feel I have failed to stress the connection that is made in its title. Here, then, is the conclusion, which wrote itself on my soul before the body did: everyone who says you aren't an individual? How you are simply thrown about by forces without your control? How you are ineluctably shaped and contained by those around you? False. Weak. You are your own man; and, with effort, you can discover yourself, your true self, and act accordingly.